Showing posts with label english. Show all posts
Showing posts with label english. Show all posts

19.1.10

The Best Version of you


The Best Version of You
by: Mariel G. Calalo


Manila International Airport, 2:00 am. It’s been two years since she had last seen the Manila International Airport. Not much has changed. Her last memory of this airport was when Miguel dropped her off. She was on her way to New York to pursue a career in Wall Street.

"Promise me something will you? Please don’t get married until I come back?" She jokingly told him as she lifted up her backpack.

"LOL. Very funny. Ikaw ang mag-promise. Promise me you won’t run off with some nerdy economist in the next two years."

"Let’s see, shall we. Bye, Miguel. I’ll call you as soon I get to New York."

That was her last memory in this place. The warm Manila air made her feel a bit restless and yet she feels excited. This is the first time in two years she’ll be seeing Miguel again. She was thoughtfully going through the immigration counters, thinking of how much she missed seeing Miguel. How different would he be now? Sure he sends her regular weekly e-mails and pictures but being the busy person that she had always been, she didn’t get the time to chat with him and buy a webcam.

She’s finally out. "Where is Miguel?" She wondered. "Ah there!" she exclaimed when she saw the silver gray Nissan Patrol parked near the exit. TGW926. Yup, that’s Miguel alright. Her heart was leaping ahead of her as the driver got off.

"Hey! I missed you!" He said, as he hugged her.

"I missed you too. So much." She said, as she hugged him back. It was warm. It felt good to be back. It felt great to feel his hug.

"Let me get those." He said pointing at her luggage. "Then we’ll have more time for hugging and chika."

"Okay."

Edsa, 4:30 am. Miguel’s cellphone rings. Mama, the name flashes on the screen.

"You should really get that."

"No, you should get that. She’s been waiting for you. She insists that we go straight to her after I pick you up from the airport. She also insists that you spend tomorrow with her." Miguel was talking about her mother. Miguel was an only child and his mother wanted a daughter. She would often tell Bea that since she doesn’t have a mom anymore, she should let Tita Doris be her second mom. She loved Bea as if she were her own daughter.

"Hello? Yes, Tita. How are you na po?... ah opo. Miguel already told me. Sige po. Okay po. I’ll see you later." She turns off the phone and looks out the window. The phone rings again, this time the name "Sugar" flashes on the screen. Hmmm, "Sugar." He was quick. He got a hold of the phone and answered it. "Hello. Yeah. Pauwi na. I’m with her na. Yeah. Tomorrow, I will. Promise. We’ll see you tomorrow."

We? Is that supposed to mean me and him? See Sugar? Who is Sugar, anyway? "Who was that?" she couldn’t keep herself from asking. "Sugar ha?"

"I’ll introduce her tomorrow. Uwi muna tayo sa bahay. By the way, kamusta na si Edward?"
"Edward?"

"Oo, si Edward, naalala mo yung boyfriend na iniwan mo sa New York? Anong klase ka ba namang girlfriend? Kaya hindi kita niligawan eh. Baka makalimutan mo rin ako."

"Ah si Edward. Hayun. Nasa New York." Miguel has met Edward when he came to New York to give Bea a surprise visit. He seems a nice guy. Not the geeky economist Miguel pictured Bea would end up with. He is actually a cool guy and loves Bea a lot.

"He called me up, a week ago, asking a lot of things about you. Parang may balak ata…"

"Balak na?"

"Tell me, did he propose to you? He sounded like he was going to propose to you kasi."

"Ah look, here we are at Tita Doris."

At Tita Doris’, 4:45 am. A pleasantly plump woman enters the living room. She was in her mid-fifties, a familiar warm smile and two open arms. She welcomed Bea, gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek. "Hay anak, kamusta ka na? Na-miss na kita. Pinakain ka ba nito si Miguel?"

"Opo, Tita." She looked around. Not much has changed in this house. She remembers spending her college days in this house. She remembers sinking into Tita Doris’ arms when her mom died. She remembers only good things about this woman. She can’t remember a time when she had been unkind to her and yes, she loves her like her own mother.

"Iha, sabihan mo nga yang si Miguel. Sabihin mo ‘wag padalos-dalos magdesisyon."

"Po?"

"Mama naman. Let Bea rest. I’ll tell her everything tomorrow." Miguel interrupted his mother before she can spill the beans.

"Ha? What was that all about?" Bea was curious.

"Bukas na lang."

"Okay. Tita, if it’s okay I’ll go rest now." She hugged her, and proceeded to climb the stairs. Miguel followed her carrying her luggage.

"Alam mo I missed this house. Uy sino ba si Sugar? Tsaka bakit parang worried nanay mo sa iyo?"

"Bukas na. Sugar is having lunch here."

"Hmmm, intriguing, pero sige. Bukas na." They were both standing as the door to the guest room. "Alam mo, it’s really good to be back in this house. I’ll see you tomorrow."

Tita Doris’ 10:00 am. She woke up, sunlight flooding her bedroom. She was able to rest. She got up, arranged the bed sheets and took a nice, cold shower. Minutes later, she was down at the garden having brunch with Tita Doris.

"Hi! Tita. Where is Miguel?"

"Sinundo si Sugar."

"Sino ba yang Sugar na yan? Nai-intriga na ako." "Iha, I’ll let Miguel tell you who Sugar is. Promise me something, though. Whatever happens you’ll always be my daughter, Bea?"

She felt scared. Why was Tita Doris suddenly serious? "Opo naman."

"Anyway, iha. I heard from Miguel your boyfriend sounded like he was going to propose a week ago. Did he propose?"

Bea looked at her hands, bare of any engagement ring. She looked at Tita Doris and smiled. Before she could answer, Miguel showed up. With him is a woman she had not seen before. She was of medium frame, shoulder length hair and looked very feminine.

"Sugar, the sister I never had, Bea. Bea, Sugar, my fiancée`." It felt as if somebody had thrown cold water on her. His what? Blood rushed to her head. She blushed. Her cheeks felt very warm. She couldn’t swallow. Her heart beating a hundred beats per minute.

"Your what?" She looked at Miguel, blushing then suddenly white as with shock. "I’m sorry, Sugar but this is quite a surprise. Miguel has never mentioned you in any of his e-mails," she said as she looked at Sugar with a confused look. She looked at Tita Doris, she looked back as if she was consoling her.

"Yeah, I got engaged. I’m keeping my promise. I’m getting married on Saturday. O di ba you’re here so in essence I’ve kept my promise."

She managed to smile faintly. She hugged Miguel and congratulated him. She even managed to tell Sugar "You got a catch here, girl. Take good care of him or else I will snatch him under your nose." It sounded as if she was just joking, turning over a very important possession to it’s next owner. In the deepest recesses of her person, she knew she meant it.

"He told me a lot of nice things about you." Sugar said, smiling at her as if they had been friends for the longest time.

"I’m sure he has."

Lunch was served. All of Bea’s favorite Filipino dishes. She and Sugar spent time chatting the afternoon away, looking at Bea’s and Miguel’s college photos and yearbooks. She found out that Sugar likes most of the things she does. They both came from the same high school. As she tried to get to know Sugar better during their afternoon chat, she realized that not only was she perfect for Miguel, she also seemed like the best gal pal Bea could find. They talked about the wedding details, the dress, the ring, the shoes, the tiara. They like almost the same places, the same styles, the same shops. She told Sugar they should do shopping marathon together. Had it been another day, she would be telling herself that this is really a great opportunity to find someone who understands her shopping needs. Except that this is not one of those days… Except that this woman, this perfect, feminine girlfriend was Miguel’s fiancée`.

Bea’s phone rings. The name Boyfriend flashes.

"You should really get that" Sugar told Bea.

"Yeah, I guess I should. Hello? Yes? I’m good. I’m here at Miguel’s. Oh I have in front of me Sugar, Miguel’s fiancée`." The words almost got stuck in her throat, but she still managed to give Sugar a smile. "Listen, I’ll call you later. I have very good news for you."

Miguel sat down beside Bea. Sugar was looking at them and asked "So tell me? Was there never a time the two of you were more than Platonic?" Bea and Miguel looked at each other then looked at their own hands. Miguel’s gaze turned to Sugar. He answered "Of course not. Bea and I were never like that."

"As in?" Sugar inquired.

"LOL, oo naman. She was a handful. Too much to handle for me. I can’t keep up with her. She’s never stands still." Miguel looked at Bea and smiled, his eyes turning into slits as his dimples gloriously show.

"I guess that’s the way for you. But not for Edward." Bea replied, with a little hint of disappointment.

"Okay lang yun. Edward is tough enough." Miguel was still smiling.

"Wait, speaking of Edward. I need to call him."

Bea left the garden and went up to her room to call Edward. "Hello? Edward. Here goes. Yes. The answer is Yes.
The wedding went well. It was one of the most elegant weddings she had seen. Sugar had everything covered and she was a very beautiful, blushing bride.

"I, Miguel, take you, Sugar, as my friend and love, beside me and apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquility, asking that you be no other than yourself, love what I know of you, trusting what I do not know yet, in all the ways that life may find us."

Bea felt a stab of pain hitting her heart. She slowly got up, walked away from the spectators. Tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

**********

Bea is once again on her way to the airport. Miguel is driving for her, this time with a wedding ring on his left finger.

"Hay, here we go again. I’m driving you to the airport. Kailan na naman kaya tao magkikita?"

"Ewan ko. Tell me something," her tone all too serious. "What was it that you love about Sugar? How did you know she was the one?" Miguel just smiled. "Dali na ano? Malay mo I need to decide in a couple of days di ba?"

"You know what I love about her? The same things I loved about you before. The only difference is that she’s not as ambitious as you are. When you left for New York two years ago, I knew I don’t have a place in the life you’ve chosen. I don’t blame you for that. You’re good in your field and I thought to myself that it’s your right to move on without me. Moving away was a decision you made for yourself. I know this sounds silly and you might nag me about it but I found the better version of you in Sugar. She’s so much like you in so many ways but the only difference is she loves me more than you do."

She wanted to cry the tears she had kept as he witnessed him say his vows, but kept her composure. She just chuckled a laugh. How could he move on without her? Why was it easy for him and not for her? As she got off the car, she gave Miguel one last hug. This time she felt her heart heavy.

"I guess this is goodbye?" she told Miguel.

"Wait, I’m not letting you out until you answer my question. Did Edward propose?"

Bea showed Miguel her left hand. In it was a one carat diamond solitaire ring set in platinum. "Yes."

Miguel let out a sigh and congratulated her. As Miguel turned his gaze from the steering wheel to Bea’s face, he saw a single tear fall from her right eye and then she said, "If it gives any consolation. Edward was the best version of you that I can find in New York."

4.9.09

antayteld.....

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feeling is to risk exposing your true self.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

25.8.09

Win-dang

I have loved you only in my mind. But I know that there will come a time.,You'd feel this feeling I have inside. I'm a hopeless romantic is what they say falling in and out of love just like a play. Memorizing each line I still don't know what to say........
Call me "feelingera", call me "alice in wonderland, or Wendy" for I always daydream. Call me stupid and crazy. I won't get bothered. I've been acting kinda' dumb lately. He's been acting kinda' stupid also (so what's the difference?). I don't know if its me or its him. But I can particularly say that its us. Yeah, I've been fooling myself lately, and he had been fooling me also. I've been thinking about stuffs that I know will not happen EVER in the real life. I know I've always prevented myself away from this feeling. I know I've made excessive, destructive and countless ways to ignore these feelings that is starting to get built inside my system. The only thing that I forgot to do is to put that big sign in front of my head which says:
" Don't fall in love too easily , or don't fall in love too soon"

I was thinking about these things when a friend brought me back to reality. I have seen her talking to me and telling me things. But I really don't have any idea about what she is talking about by that time. Then she asked me: "San na tayo magpupunta ngayon?". I just replied- stupidly: "Ewan ko, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko" She just rolled her eyes and then dragged me to walk. She looked me quizzically and then began talking again : "Ang layo ng sagot mo bakla..." . I just smiled, and shook my head.

I was feeling a bit pale since this morning. I don't know if its because of my emotional problems or because of my lack of sleep these past few days. I don't know really. I even don't know what to do next or if I have to do anything about it. Yeah, I've been seeking advices about it. But I know that advices will remain as it is if I won't do anything about it.

Its now 3am here, I'd just rather go to sleep than to think about it.

Entry from my Journal: dated; March 23, 2009

23.8.09

The day I fell inlove

Don't know what to do whenever you are near, Don't know what to say, My heart is flowing with tears, When you pass by I could fly, Every minute, every second of the day, I dream of you in the most SPECIAL way, You're beside me all the time all the time.....DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO by: Ric Segreto
It was months ago when I was blinded with such an unwanted attraction. It was the same time when my heart has seriously taken over me. I refused to eat and sleep. Even my "ME" time was ruined because of those unwanted feelings. Worst of it, my closest friend also likes him so I distanced myself from him. Days passed by and the feelings started to grew deeper. Maybe, that's the power of love - it flows down into your system, without you even knowing it. One day you'll just see yourself constantly thinking about that certain person. And before you know it - LOVE has contagiously taken over you.

Yeah, I kept it as a secret. Nobody knew about it. Not even my bestest friend, not even him. I just plunged into that feeling and then ran into our house and think about it - big time. I became mad about it. I became so attached to that feeling and I get so dependent and I started wanting his attention more. But it came to my senses that the feeling might be wrong. And it came to me that it was not meant to be. That it was just all me, and I was only probably dreaming all along.

I was so down by that time. Suddenly, after a month of believing that a love built amidst oceans and seas will work - I realized that I was just dreaming. I was so pathetic to believe that magic is really there, that once you summoned to the sky - to God, He will be mine. But, unfortunately, God did not replied any single word. He just sent me a blank message.

Fortunately, I managed to let it go and move on. It took me a lot of courage and loneliness. But in return, God gave me someone better. Someone who loves me whole-heartedly, someone who sticked by my side thru thick and thin. Someone who loved me for being ME.
--entry from my Journal dated June 12,2009.

Good things comes to those who wait.

1.8.09

Life and Love

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love
him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean
against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a
relationship and my feelings. My husband is my complete opposite; his
lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments
into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why? " he asked, shocked.

"I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world !" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of
disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even
express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question.

Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we
both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you
do it for me?"

He said: " I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further.....

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you
cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can
help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every
month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your
tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be
infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes
and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the
computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save
my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and
help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand
while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the
beautiful sand...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is
someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower
yet, and die ... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting...

That's LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of
excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies
in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms;
even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It
could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the
relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND
THAT'S LIFE

People often goes for romantic gestures, surprises
and sweet words whispered into their ears. We fall in love and feel
loved because of these so called romantic moments.

But the truth is romantic moments cannot show how much a person loves you. They merely create the feeling of being loved.

---Just a thought to fonder. ^^,

5.7.09

Homesick


Life is a journey
Its a matter of choice and chance
Its a matter of hard work mixed with luck
Filled with faith, hope and love


We let go and learn from the past
We live and rejoice in the present
We learn to trust in our future
We learn to forgive and accept and become a better person.

So rejoice and be happy
Stay calm and contented
For as long as we are living
Let us always remember, there will always be LESSONS.

Those words hit me big time last night while i was watching Cheaper by the dozen 2. I had been avoiding those unwanted feelings since day one of July. The feeling of being alone here without my siblings and my parents. Much more popularly known as "Homesick". I had been feeling quite lame since last week because my boss denied my request for my annual leave of 15 days.

And many more factors which I had been trying to ignore.

And many more things that I am trying to understand and let go of.

And many more things that I am trying to seek.

And many more things that I am trying to do.

And many more things that I am about to (and had been trying to) LEARN. :'(

2.7.09

I had learned that...

- giving out some hanging statements might lead to confusions and misunderstandings.
- The golden rule : "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you" basically applies to every individual ALL THE TIME, no exceptions, no alibis.
- The secret to happiness is CONTENTMENT.
- Rebounders are like canine dogs, they can easily smell girls who are grieving from their past relationships and make them fall in love and then leave you hanging once they get what they want.
- Wishes do come true. Just hold on to it and it will happen.
- There will always be someone who will love you when you least expect it.
- Letting go is apparently part of our lives.
- Friends do come and go. But they will always remain forever in our hearts no matter how vast the distance is.
- Human beings are created weak. period.
- Some people who appears to be strong is exactly the opposite of their physical aspect, at times, they are the ones who are very emotional inside.
- The most crucial part of growing up is the mere fact that you are "getting older", and it is inevitable. Whether you deal with it, or you live with it. Haha.
- Challenges will make you strong so we should be thankful that trials come in and out of our lives.
- Beauty is essential to the eye. But beauty fades as time goes by.
- Moving forward in ones life has one secret. ACCEPTANCE.
- A dream will remain a dream not unless you do something about it.

24.6.09

Looking back

I saw a lady
Longing for acceptance
looking for love
asking for forgiveness.

I saw a lady
full of pain, full of worries
full of hatred, full of insecurities
full of mistakes, asking for a change.

I saw a lady
full of demise
full of sorrow, full of hurt
full of uncertainties and immaturity.

As I step forward
I saw the lady
striving hard
awaiting for a miracle to happen.

And now,
as i sit here quietly
tears fell down my face
as i see myself in the mirror.

I am seeing the lady now
full of strength and maturity
full of passion and love
full of wisdom and knowledge.

I smiled as i wiped my tears
I smiled as i recall all my failures
I smiled as i think about the future
I smiled as i overcome new challenges.

I thanked God for putting me into this test
I thanked God for letting me fail
I thanked God for allowing my heart to be broken
I thanked God for putting me into dismay.

For I know in every test, I will learn something
For after the fall, i will manage to get up.
For after every heartbreak i will love again
for after the dismay, there is contentment.

As I glanced through the window
I imagined the lady in the future
Wiser, stronger, and braver
Matured, loving and full of faith...in God. :)

20.6.09

My kind of guy

Loves to joke
Can sing well
Can write good poems and stories
Has a wide knowledge of relevant things around him
Has a good sense of humor
A good disciplinarian.
A responsible person
A loving person
Very humble and generous
A person full of pride and dignity

Loves his mom despite of their many arguments
loves his sister despite their differences

loves my mom
loves my siblings
A hardworking person
A friend
A husband
and a father

I'm so proud of you Papa! May Papa God continue to bless you and guide you in your everyday work. May you continue being the person that you are right now. Looking forward to see you soon! Happy father's day! :)

8.4.09

Scattered thoughts...

***Why do people hang on to something, even though they knew all along that there was nothing to hold on to?

***Why do people keep on believing into something that was only a "lie" all along?

***Why does smiling means you're just hiding all the pain inside of you?

***Why did God created all these "False hopes" for me?

***Why do we have to wait in vain for a "miracle" to happen?

***Why do people keep on telling lies just to make you happy? Isn't it better if they will just tell you the truth, than completely hurt you with a stupid lie?

31.3.09

Take time to think...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


>>>>copy paste lang galing sa previous blog ko sa multi..:D

29.3.09

Rainy Days

As the seasons have changed a few days or weeks ago, I feel sad upon seeing that rainy days are occurring more often than it did before. People I know love the rainy days- but as for me, it is a big NO.

I felt bad that as I watched the raindrops fell on the ground, I miss my family and friends. I miss being with Chelle and our never-ending debates about life and love. I miss texting or calling my Mama when I have no jeepneys to ride after our working hours. I miss my Papa's smile when I reach our house, asking me how my day in the work was. I miss my younger brother's hug, Mikee's squeeky voice,Jeram's unkind approach and Teteng's never-ending questions. I miss being back home. Even our dog's bark that I hear in the middle of the night. Our neighbor's conversations. I miss eating "goto" with Mama when we go to the market.

Eventhough I have found a new circle of friends here, part of me still sticks with Chelle's companionship. We may definitely talk long hours everyday through chat, update each other what was new and what is not. I don't know, but I think I'm starting to get bored. I know I'm getting used to the changes, but If I were to choose-- I will still definitely spend my rainy days back home with my family and friends. Full of love, companionship and assurance that had made me a better person now.