To My Soon to be FOREVER

Dear Mr. Right-for-me,

I hope that upon reading this mail of mine ~ I'm still single and unattached to anyone else. I long to meet you and exchange stories with you. I've been looking forward for "the day" to come. For quite some time, I've been thinking of things about you.

How will I meet you? If I'll meet you, how will I speak with you? Will I instantly know that you're the one for me? Or will it take ages before it came to my senses?

Are we going to be friends first before we will fall for each other? Or will it be a "Instant" attraction?

Are you far from me? Or are you just sitting just across the corner of this room? Staring at me and thinking if I will, someday, look your way?

When are you going to come my way? Are you going to be delivered right at my doorstep? Will I bump to you while I'm walking on the street? Or I have known you all along?

Please don't make things worse for me, Mr. Right-for-me. Save me from this misery, save me from the emptiness, and the loneliness that I am feeling right now.


Waiting for you,

The Damsel In Distress





*Random thoughts I've written during the SFC Retreat (SW1)*

Amag

Ahmmm bakit nga ba amag? Ah eh ewan ko lang. Pwede ko naman lagyan ng taytel na ALIKABOK o kaya naman ANAY, o kaya naman eh sapot. *thinking*

Inisip mo na ba minsan pano kung sa past life mo eh isa kang AMAG in english, YEAST. Kruwel din kaya ang buhay mo? Pano ka makakapag-emote kung isa kang AMAG? Hmmmm pano ka maiinlab kung isa kang AMAG? Paano at paano ka mabubuhay ng NORMAL kung isa kang AMAG? Tsktsk....(Walang pinupuntahan ang mga sinasabi ko tungkol sa AMAG).

Ihalintulad natin sa tinapay na tinubuan ng AMAG. Ang tinapay, pag bagong luto, pinag-aagawan ng mga konsyumer (Talking about economics ako ngayon :P). Ang tinapay pag popular, mabili, ika nga nila eh BEST-SELLER. Pero pano kung ang tinapay na tinda eh biglaan mong makitaan ng AMAG? Bibilhin mo pa ba? Papansinin mo pa ba? Kakainin mo pa ba?

Parang sa tao lang. Pag nakita nating hindi kaaya-aya ang ichura. (Umamin ka dahil madaming mga taong ganito, pwedeng ako, pwedeng IKAW, oo ikaw nga, pwedeng sila, pwedeng tayo). Pag hindi gaanong pumapasa sa ating standards ang pag-uugali, DEADMA na tayo. Kibit-balikat mo syang tatalikuran at nebah ebah mo nang papansinin. Hmm may times na papansinin mo, pero kaswal lang. Kumbaga sa iskul, papansinin mo lang sya pag hihingi ka ng papel (Sila kase yung madalas ready sa mga skul supplies na kailangan sa skul). Papansinin mo lang pag hinihingi ng pagkakataon, pag kailangan mo ang tulong nya, aminin mo man o hindi, likas na MATALINO at GIFTED ang mga kagaya nila. *headspin*

Bagay na hindi makatarungan....

...At hindi ko nabigyan ng justice ang topic kong AMAG...*tears*

My Workstation

Sa kadahilanang masyado akong authistic, ay nabuo ang ideya ng pagtatag nitong bagay na ito mula sa pahina ni Pareng CM. Nabigla na lang ako ng bigla nyang ianunsyo sa aking SM shoutmix na ako eh naka-tag na sa bagay na ito. As much as possible, ayuko sanang ipakita ang lamesa ko, kase baka icompare nyo sa lamesa ni Pong eh anung laban ko dun, wala naman akong stapler na PINK. Hahahahahah....

So Welcome aboard!!!!!!!

UNANG BAHAGI (Right side of the table)
Ito ay naglalaman ng :

☺Telepono (na patakas na ginagamit pangtawag sa kung saan saan pag wala si boi B), may skatsteyp din sya dahil lagi ko syang naihuhulog dala ng tensyon ko sa pakikipag-usap sa kliyente...Ahmm kelan kaya papalitan yan ng kuripot kong boss? hahahahah
☺Mouse
☺Monitor...Ooops sipag ko nho, kita nyo kung anong inaasikaso ko sa oras ng trabaho...hahahah..
☺ Pen holder (pero puro basura laman nyan, yung mga ginagamit kong lapis, ballpen, eraser, at highlighter eh nasa keyboard ^_^)
☺ Courier receipt (eh nung kinuhaan ko kase eto eh kakatapos ko lang mag-asikaso ng shipment)
☺ lab letter galing kay boss, utos nya para gumawa ng quotation, pending muna, picture picture eh ^_^
☺ cup...oh eh malamang inuman ng nauuhaw na si ako..ahahah
☺ puncher na puti (off limits ang PINK dito sa lamesa ko!!)
☺ office key (para anytime na maburyo ako sa trabaho, takas mode ako...joke)

Hindi kasya ang mga kagamitan ko sa isang kuhaan lang eh...kaya dadako naman tayo sa pangalawang parte ng lamesa. Ang:

LEFT SIDE, na naglalaman ng:

☺Stapler na itim (uulitin ko, walang pink dito!)
☺Lumang kalender, kase wala pang issue ng 2010! Anuberr, February na sa isang araw! hahaha...
☺Company stamp- pantatak sa makukulit na invoice, PO at kung anu-ano pang chuvachenes chenelar...
☺ ang armas --CALCULATOR
☺Telex transfer receipt
☺mga outgoing quotations
☺Mga pending invoices --(ten years nang nag-aantay ng pirma! Heller, pipirma na lang tinatamad pa!)
☺ Iba't ibang uri ng stamp
☺ Delivery note book (ewan ko kung para saan yan, Joke)
☺ Diary (hanapin nyo sya, natakpan na ng mga papel..hahaha)..kung saan isinusulat ko ang mga bagay na madali kong makalimutan. Kagaya ng: Mga bagay na ginawa ngayong araw na toh, mga bagay na gagawin bukas, mga bagay na gagawin sa isang taon, sa isang bwan at sa isang isang isang bukas!)

Ayan, nakaraos din. At para makaganti, nais kong ibahagi ang tag na ito kay Azel, at kay Deth.

Lab lettur

Dear Pong,

How is you? Me is fine. And you? I'm fine thank you. Kagabi lang naisipan kong mag-request sayo ng alamuna. Pero mahina ata ang powers ko sayo kaya ayaw mong gumawa ng alamuna. Hahahah. Tseeeeeeeee...

Wag madumi ang mga utak nyo, lab letter lang yung nirerequest ko *eyeroll*

Malayo na din yung narating ng relationship natin. Sa loob ng pitong bwan. Marami nang awayan, tampuhan, basagan ng trip, mga date na hindi natuloy, mga pasyal na walang napala, pikunan pikon ka kase.hahahah, mga cake na isang linggo bago naubos, mga kwentuhang walang kwenta, mga tanung tanong na walang matinong sagot, mga chismisan, mga pustahan, mga patakas na tawag sa opisina, mga kulitan, walangyaan, mga pikchuran, mga dc-han, mga mantsarihan ^_^, mga trip trip, laftrip, fudtrip, sadtrip at marami pang ibaaaaaaaaaa....Nakakatuwa lang na kahit na ganito ako, ganyan ka pa din saken. Na walang nagbabago as the days go by...............fly by..............^_^ Na kahit na anong intriga ang umikot sa pagitan nating dalawa nung mga nakaraang araw, nanatili kang matatag at hinarap ang kontrobersiya ng walang kemedu at churvaloo. Nawa'y mas maging matatag pa ang ating bolahan sa mga darating na panahon, kahit na madalang yung mga panahon na magkasama tayo, Kahit na minsanan lang din tayo mag-usap ng seryoso.

Hanggang dito na lang muna, magpe-facebook pa ko...Nyahahahah..Me lab yu :)

Jen

Remote ME....

Sanay akong mamuhay ng mag-isa. Ng magdesisyon mag-isa, at gumawa ng mga bagay na nakasanayan kong gawin ng mag-isa lang. Naging kuntento ako sa mga bagay na nasa paligid ko , kahit na madaming kakulangan sa buhay ko sa mga oras na ito. Naging masaya ako sa kabila ng mga agam-agam na nakapaloob sa puso ko sa mga oras na ito. Pero pinipili kong manahimik at pikit-matang harapin ang bawat araw ng may pag-asa sa aking puso.

Hanggang sa dumating ka.

Aminado akong natatakot ako sa tuwing binibisita mo ako. Sa tuwing dumadaan ka paminsan-minsan at kumakaway sa buhay ko. Lahat ng routine ko eh binabago mo. Sabi ko nga, para kang si HITLER kung makautos saken. Porke ba uto-uto ako eh ganyan mo na ko kung ituring? Matanda na ko kung tutuusin para diktahan ng mga bagay na kailangan kong gawin sa araw-araw. Pero pinagbibigyan kita dahil alam kong masaya ka pag nakikita mong sinusunod kita. Kahit alam kong palpak at wala sa hulog ang mga bagay na idinidikta mo, pinagbibigyan kita.

Hanggang sa mapuno ako.

Pinili kong umiwas, magpalipas ng oras kapiling ng mga kaibigan ko, ng mga taong hindi ako kailanman diniktahan o pinangunahan sa mga desisyon ko. Pansamantala kong tinanggal ang baterya ng remote na hawak mo. Pagod na kong sumunod. Hayaan mo naman akong mabuhay at kumilos ng para sa sarili ko. Nakakasawa na ang mga pagtatalo natin, hayaan mo muna akong umiwas, at hanapin ang DAPAT para sa sarili ko.

The Best Version of you

The Best Version of You
by: Mariel G. Calalo


Manila International Airport, 2:00 am. It’s been two years since she had last seen the Manila International Airport. Not much has changed. Her last memory of this airport was when Miguel dropped her off. She was on her way to New York to pursue a career in Wall Street.

"Promise me something will you? Please don’t get married until I come back?" She jokingly told him as she lifted up her backpack.

"LOL. Very funny. Ikaw ang mag-promise. Promise me you won’t run off with some nerdy economist in the next two years."

"Let’s see, shall we. Bye, Miguel. I’ll call you as soon I get to New York."

That was her last memory in this place. The warm Manila air made her feel a bit restless and yet she feels excited. This is the first time in two years she’ll be seeing Miguel again. She was thoughtfully going through the immigration counters, thinking of how much she missed seeing Miguel. How different would he be now? Sure he sends her regular weekly e-mails and pictures but being the busy person that she had always been, she didn’t get the time to chat with him and buy a webcam.

She’s finally out. "Where is Miguel?" She wondered. "Ah there!" she exclaimed when she saw the silver gray Nissan Patrol parked near the exit. TGW926. Yup, that’s Miguel alright. Her heart was leaping ahead of her as the driver got off.

"Hey! I missed you!" He said, as he hugged her.

"I missed you too. So much." She said, as she hugged him back. It was warm. It felt good to be back. It felt great to feel his hug.

"Let me get those." He said pointing at her luggage. "Then we’ll have more time for hugging and chika."

"Okay."

Edsa, 4:30 am. Miguel’s cellphone rings. Mama, the name flashes on the screen.

"You should really get that."

"No, you should get that. She’s been waiting for you. She insists that we go straight to her after I pick you up from the airport. She also insists that you spend tomorrow with her." Miguel was talking about her mother. Miguel was an only child and his mother wanted a daughter. She would often tell Bea that since she doesn’t have a mom anymore, she should let Tita Doris be her second mom. She loved Bea as if she were her own daughter.

"Hello? Yes, Tita. How are you na po?... ah opo. Miguel already told me. Sige po. Okay po. I’ll see you later." She turns off the phone and looks out the window. The phone rings again, this time the name "Sugar" flashes on the screen. Hmmm, "Sugar." He was quick. He got a hold of the phone and answered it. "Hello. Yeah. Pauwi na. I’m with her na. Yeah. Tomorrow, I will. Promise. We’ll see you tomorrow."

We? Is that supposed to mean me and him? See Sugar? Who is Sugar, anyway? "Who was that?" she couldn’t keep herself from asking. "Sugar ha?"

"I’ll introduce her tomorrow. Uwi muna tayo sa bahay. By the way, kamusta na si Edward?"
"Edward?"

"Oo, si Edward, naalala mo yung boyfriend na iniwan mo sa New York? Anong klase ka ba namang girlfriend? Kaya hindi kita niligawan eh. Baka makalimutan mo rin ako."

"Ah si Edward. Hayun. Nasa New York." Miguel has met Edward when he came to New York to give Bea a surprise visit. He seems a nice guy. Not the geeky economist Miguel pictured Bea would end up with. He is actually a cool guy and loves Bea a lot.

"He called me up, a week ago, asking a lot of things about you. Parang may balak ata…"

"Balak na?"

"Tell me, did he propose to you? He sounded like he was going to propose to you kasi."

"Ah look, here we are at Tita Doris."

At Tita Doris’, 4:45 am. A pleasantly plump woman enters the living room. She was in her mid-fifties, a familiar warm smile and two open arms. She welcomed Bea, gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek. "Hay anak, kamusta ka na? Na-miss na kita. Pinakain ka ba nito si Miguel?"

"Opo, Tita." She looked around. Not much has changed in this house. She remembers spending her college days in this house. She remembers sinking into Tita Doris’ arms when her mom died. She remembers only good things about this woman. She can’t remember a time when she had been unkind to her and yes, she loves her like her own mother.

"Iha, sabihan mo nga yang si Miguel. Sabihin mo ‘wag padalos-dalos magdesisyon."

"Po?"

"Mama naman. Let Bea rest. I’ll tell her everything tomorrow." Miguel interrupted his mother before she can spill the beans.

"Ha? What was that all about?" Bea was curious.

"Bukas na lang."

"Okay. Tita, if it’s okay I’ll go rest now." She hugged her, and proceeded to climb the stairs. Miguel followed her carrying her luggage.

"Alam mo I missed this house. Uy sino ba si Sugar? Tsaka bakit parang worried nanay mo sa iyo?"

"Bukas na. Sugar is having lunch here."

"Hmmm, intriguing, pero sige. Bukas na." They were both standing as the door to the guest room. "Alam mo, it’s really good to be back in this house. I’ll see you tomorrow."

Tita Doris’ 10:00 am. She woke up, sunlight flooding her bedroom. She was able to rest. She got up, arranged the bed sheets and took a nice, cold shower. Minutes later, she was down at the garden having brunch with Tita Doris.

"Hi! Tita. Where is Miguel?"

"Sinundo si Sugar."

"Sino ba yang Sugar na yan? Nai-intriga na ako." "Iha, I’ll let Miguel tell you who Sugar is. Promise me something, though. Whatever happens you’ll always be my daughter, Bea?"

She felt scared. Why was Tita Doris suddenly serious? "Opo naman."

"Anyway, iha. I heard from Miguel your boyfriend sounded like he was going to propose a week ago. Did he propose?"

Bea looked at her hands, bare of any engagement ring. She looked at Tita Doris and smiled. Before she could answer, Miguel showed up. With him is a woman she had not seen before. She was of medium frame, shoulder length hair and looked very feminine.

"Sugar, the sister I never had, Bea. Bea, Sugar, my fiancée`." It felt as if somebody had thrown cold water on her. His what? Blood rushed to her head. She blushed. Her cheeks felt very warm. She couldn’t swallow. Her heart beating a hundred beats per minute.

"Your what?" She looked at Miguel, blushing then suddenly white as with shock. "I’m sorry, Sugar but this is quite a surprise. Miguel has never mentioned you in any of his e-mails," she said as she looked at Sugar with a confused look. She looked at Tita Doris, she looked back as if she was consoling her.

"Yeah, I got engaged. I’m keeping my promise. I’m getting married on Saturday. O di ba you’re here so in essence I’ve kept my promise."

She managed to smile faintly. She hugged Miguel and congratulated him. She even managed to tell Sugar "You got a catch here, girl. Take good care of him or else I will snatch him under your nose." It sounded as if she was just joking, turning over a very important possession to it’s next owner. In the deepest recesses of her person, she knew she meant it.

"He told me a lot of nice things about you." Sugar said, smiling at her as if they had been friends for the longest time.

"I’m sure he has."

Lunch was served. All of Bea’s favorite Filipino dishes. She and Sugar spent time chatting the afternoon away, looking at Bea’s and Miguel’s college photos and yearbooks. She found out that Sugar likes most of the things she does. They both came from the same high school. As she tried to get to know Sugar better during their afternoon chat, she realized that not only was she perfect for Miguel, she also seemed like the best gal pal Bea could find. They talked about the wedding details, the dress, the ring, the shoes, the tiara. They like almost the same places, the same styles, the same shops. She told Sugar they should do shopping marathon together. Had it been another day, she would be telling herself that this is really a great opportunity to find someone who understands her shopping needs. Except that this is not one of those days… Except that this woman, this perfect, feminine girlfriend was Miguel’s fiancée`.

Bea’s phone rings. The name Boyfriend flashes.

"You should really get that" Sugar told Bea.

"Yeah, I guess I should. Hello? Yes? I’m good. I’m here at Miguel’s. Oh I have in front of me Sugar, Miguel’s fiancée`." The words almost got stuck in her throat, but she still managed to give Sugar a smile. "Listen, I’ll call you later. I have very good news for you."

Miguel sat down beside Bea. Sugar was looking at them and asked "So tell me? Was there never a time the two of you were more than Platonic?" Bea and Miguel looked at each other then looked at their own hands. Miguel’s gaze turned to Sugar. He answered "Of course not. Bea and I were never like that."

"As in?" Sugar inquired.

"LOL, oo naman. She was a handful. Too much to handle for me. I can’t keep up with her. She’s never stands still." Miguel looked at Bea and smiled, his eyes turning into slits as his dimples gloriously show.

"I guess that’s the way for you. But not for Edward." Bea replied, with a little hint of disappointment.

"Okay lang yun. Edward is tough enough." Miguel was still smiling.

"Wait, speaking of Edward. I need to call him."

Bea left the garden and went up to her room to call Edward. "Hello? Edward. Here goes. Yes. The answer is Yes.
The wedding went well. It was one of the most elegant weddings she had seen. Sugar had everything covered and she was a very beautiful, blushing bride.

"I, Miguel, take you, Sugar, as my friend and love, beside me and apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquility, asking that you be no other than yourself, love what I know of you, trusting what I do not know yet, in all the ways that life may find us."

Bea felt a stab of pain hitting her heart. She slowly got up, walked away from the spectators. Tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

**********

Bea is once again on her way to the airport. Miguel is driving for her, this time with a wedding ring on his left finger.

"Hay, here we go again. I’m driving you to the airport. Kailan na naman kaya tao magkikita?"

"Ewan ko. Tell me something," her tone all too serious. "What was it that you love about Sugar? How did you know she was the one?" Miguel just smiled. "Dali na ano? Malay mo I need to decide in a couple of days di ba?"

"You know what I love about her? The same things I loved about you before. The only difference is that she’s not as ambitious as you are. When you left for New York two years ago, I knew I don’t have a place in the life you’ve chosen. I don’t blame you for that. You’re good in your field and I thought to myself that it’s your right to move on without me. Moving away was a decision you made for yourself. I know this sounds silly and you might nag me about it but I found the better version of you in Sugar. She’s so much like you in so many ways but the only difference is she loves me more than you do."

She wanted to cry the tears she had kept as he witnessed him say his vows, but kept her composure. She just chuckled a laugh. How could he move on without her? Why was it easy for him and not for her? As she got off the car, she gave Miguel one last hug. This time she felt her heart heavy.

"I guess this is goodbye?" she told Miguel.

"Wait, I’m not letting you out until you answer my question. Did Edward propose?"

Bea showed Miguel her left hand. In it was a one carat diamond solitaire ring set in platinum. "Yes."

Miguel let out a sigh and congratulated her. As Miguel turned his gaze from the steering wheel to Bea’s face, he saw a single tear fall from her right eye and then she said, "If it gives any consolation. Edward was the best version of you that I can find in New York."

Birthday

Nakalimutan ko na palang maggawa ng post. Narealize ko lang nung masilip ko tong page ko na halos ayaw nang bumukas dahil may agiw at alikabok na sa paligid.....

achooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............

Late ko na din mababati ng Happy Christmas (oo, HAPPY CHRISTMAS kase ang usong greetings dito kesa sa MERRY CHRISTMAS).Tinanong ko nga yan kay Pong, sabi nya, pareho lang naman ng meaning. Hmmmkei. Makes sense.

HAPPY = MERRY = MASAYA

Ayus na din, katanggap tanggap nang dahilan. Kahit naman anupang pagbati ang gawin nila, iisa pa din ang meaning ng CHRISTMAS - yun eh yung pagdating ni Baby Jesus sa mundo para iligtas tayo sa mga nagawa nating mali. Ahmmm pwede nyo ba ko palakpakan? Eh kase, nakumpleto ko yung simbang gabi this year....

yahuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....

O sige, at busy pa din ako...dumaan lang ako para batiin tayong lahat ng Merry Christmassssssssssssssss ^__________^

Kahon

Anim na taon.

Madami nang nangyari. Madami nang nagbago. Madami nang mga nasabi. Madami na ring kung sinu-sinong dumating at umalis sa kanya-kanyang mga buhay natin. Ewan ko kung apektado talaga ako. Hindi ko alam kung apektado ka din ba. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naguguluhan ako ng ganito kung wala lang ang lahat.

Anim na taon. Matagal na panahon.

Anim na taon. Anim na taon na tuluyan nang dapat itapon. Hayaan mong ilagay ko ito sa loob ng munting kahon. Babalutan ko ng masking tape at igu-glue ang apat na sulok nito. Sa loob nito ay ilalagay ko ang mga alaala mo. Itatago ko doon ang mga larawan mong iningatan ko, ang mga walang kwentang sulat mo. Ang mga nakakatawang pambato-linya mo. Ang alaala ng musmos at payak na pagmamahalan natin. Ang lahat ng tungkol sa atin.

Ikaw at ang pagkakaugnay ng buhay natin.
Ngayon, ay laman na lamang ng munting kahon.

Para Sa'yo

Nagsimula ang lahat sa tuksuhan....

May nagsabing: You look good together. Nagkibit balikat lang ako at umayrowl (eyeroll).

Meron pang ibang nagsabing, Boyfriend mo? magkahawig kayo--nakita ko ang palihim na ngiti mo nung mga panahong yun, pero pinili ko pa ding manahimik at wag makielam.

Takot kase akong ihakbang paharap ang mga paa ko. Takot akong i-entertain ang pagmamahal na meron ako para sa'yo. Takot akong mahalin ka at masasaktan ka lang dahil sa pabago-bago kong anyo pag-uugali. Takot akong magsama ng isa pang tao sa munting mundong ginagalawan ko.

Mahirap na. Baka mali na naman. Masasaktan lang ako. Masasaktan ka lang. Ayoko na. Baka isa ka lang tanso na nagpapanggap na ginto.

Pero..mas natakot akong harapin yung araw na hindi na kita tuluyang makita.
Yung araw na, hindi na kita makakausap at makukulit.
Yung araw na hindi ko makikita sa mga mata mo ang kasiyahan.
yung araw na....lumayo ka na ng tuluyan sa akin......

Kaya naglakas-loob ako upang tanungin ka. Matagal na araw mo din akong pinahirapan. Nilito mo ko sa mga magulo mong pahayag. Gusto ko nang isipin na assuming lang ako, na baka nga PAKIRAMDAM at PANINIWALA ko lang yun. Hanggang sa mapagtanto ko, nadulas ka nga pala sa isang post sa blogosperyo! *wink

And the rest was history..........^_^

Matagal na mga araw, segundo at minuto na din ang lumipas. Ilang okasyon na din ang nalampasan naten. Masaya ko na patuloy tayong masaya at nagmamahalan sa munti nating relasyon *blasssss*

At dahil hindi ka naman nagba-blog ngayon, hindi mo ko mabibintangan na korni ^_^

-------->
Feeling mushy today after the good walk and talk yesterday with Mr. Tertel :)

Paalam

Parang kahapon lang dumating ka sa buhay ko. Sobrang saya ko nun. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi maimumuwestra ng kahit na anong salita ang nararamdaman ko ng mga panahon na yun.

Palagi kong nakikita ang sarili kong nakatanaw sa malayo. Tinatanaw ang bukas, iniisip kung bukas eh nandyan ka pa din sa aking tabi. Natulog ako at gumising sa paniniwalang habambuhay eh anjan ka lang. Masaya ang mga tao sa paligid dahil nariyan ka. Sa kabilang banda, madami rin naman ang nakaramdam ng kalungkutan ng maramdaman nila ang iyong mabibigat na mga yabag.

Pero hindi ako nagpaapekto. Patuloy lang akong namuhay ng kasama ka. Masaya kong sinariwa ang mga alaala nating dalawa. Alam ko kase na hindi panghabambuhay ang iyong pananatili sa buhay ko. Alam kong minsan ka lang din dumating sa isang taon. Alam kong kasabay ng iyong pagdating ay ang hudyat ng malaking PAGBABAGO.

At kagaya ng inaasahan ng lahat - ngayon ay kailangan mo nang umalis. Kailangan mo na akong iwan. Wag kang mag-alala, naiintindihan ko na makabubuti para sa lahat na iwan mo ako at ang ating mga alaala. Masakit sa akin, nakakalungkot. Pero alam ko, na sa iyong pag-alis, magpapatuloy ang ikot ng mundo. Magpapatuloy ang buhay at magiging isang matamis na alaala ang ating pagkikita sa taong ito.

"Wag mo akong kakalimutan sa susunod nating pagkikita...

Maghihintay ako sa iyong muling pagbabalik....

Lagi lagi kitang aalalahanin at ang ating mga matatamis at mapapait na alaala...."

Paalam sa iyo......












SEPTEMBER.....Helloooooooooooooooooo October!!!!!! \m/

How to deal with stress

Matagal din akong hindi nakalibot sa mga bahay, kuta, pahina, page, at kung anik anik pang tawag nyo sa mga blog nyo. Bisi kase ako. Hindi ko na ikukwento kung bakit dahil mawawalan lang kayo ng interes. Tsaka na lang pag tapos na ang lahat (para wag mausog). At dahil sa dami ng ginagawa at inaasikaso ko - naging prone ako sa STRESS.

Alam kong madami din sa inyo ang kagaya ko eh sobrang nai-stress na sa mga trabaho o buhay nyo. Kaya bago pa kayo gumawa ng negatib na hakbang, let me share with you guys my list of HOW TO's when it comes to dealing with stress. ^^,

• Ang popular na breathe in - breathe out. Ginagawa pag mabaho ang boss at tambak ng tambak ng gagawin pero di ka makaangal . Inhale - exhale. Wan more taym. Inhale - inhale-inhale. Ok next number. Aww, exhale pa pala. hehehe.
• Be optimistic. Wear a smile on your face. Isipin mo na lang Kaya mo kid! Kita mo at gagaan ang pasan mong daigdig este trabaho pala.
• Kumain every hour. (Paalala: Hindi applicable sa mga taong mabagal ang metabolism, dahil pag nagkataon, tataba kayo ng bongga.) Sabi nga nila, nakakawala ng depression at stress ang pagkain. Ako i lurveeeee eating. Ngunit sa kadahilanang hindi ko pa din maipaliwanag hanggang ngayon, hindi pa din ako tumataba kahit na anong effort ko sa paglafang ng bongga. Baka sa stress nga napunta ang lahat. (thinking)
• Tawagan ang iyong apol op da ay. Makipagkulitan. Ikwento mo dis and dat. Ikwento mo na naiiyak ka na sa inis dahil sa dami ng ginagawa mo at solo ka lang sa opisina nyo. Tabi tabi po, ang tamaan magkakabukol (peace out tertel) \m/
• Mag-sound trip. Optional ang isang to. Dahil mahigpit sa ibang opisina at walang kalayaan kahit man lang sa speaker.
  
• Magmulti task pero wag malito. Imbis na kinikimkim mo ang inis mo sa sarili mo, isigaw mo sa lahat ng pwede mong sigawan, gamitin mo ang internet upang gawin yan. Ilagay ang galit mo sa facebook, magopen ng thread sa Plurk, at gawing stat msg sa YM. Pag may pumatol o nagreak, swerte mo - may shock absorber ka. Pag wala naman, focus sa work ang drama mo.
• Magbasa ng balita. Sa entertainment column. Subukan sagutan ang Crossword puzzle at sudoku, pag nairita ka- senyales lang yun na kailangan mo na magtrabaho ulit.

Yan na muna sa ngayon. Kakain na muna ako at baka madaan sa kain ang lahat. ^^,

Win-dang

I have loved you only in my mind. But I know that there will come a time.,You'd feel this feeling I have inside. I'm a hopeless romantic is what they say falling in and out of love just like a play. Memorizing each line I still don't know what to say........

Call me "feelingera", call me "alice in wonderland, or Wendy" for I always daydream. Call me stupid and crazy. I won't get bothered. I've been acting kinda' dumb lately. He's been acting kinda' stupid also (so what's the difference?). I don't know if its me or its him. But I can particularly say that its us. Yeah, I've been fooling myself lately, and he had been fooling me also. I've been thinking about stuffs that I know will not happen EVER in the real life. I know I've always prevented myself away from this feeling. I know I've made excessive, destructive and countless ways to ignore these feelings that is starting to get built inside my system. The only thing that I forgot to do is to put that big sign in front of my head which says:

" Don't fall in love too easily , or don't fall in love too soon"

I was thinking about these things when a friend brought me back to reality. I have seen her talking to me and telling me things. But I really don't have any idea about what she is talking about by that time. Then she asked me: "San na tayo magpupunta ngayon?". I just replied- stupidly: "Ewan ko, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko" She just rolled her eyes and then dragged me to walk. She looked me quizzically and then began talking again : "Ang layo ng sagot mo bakla..." . I just smiled, and shook my head.

I was feeling a bit pale since this morning. I don't know if its because of my emotional problems or because of my lack of sleep these past few days. I don't know really. I even don't know what to do next or if I have to do anything about it. Yeah, I've been seeking advices about it. But I know that advices will remain as it is if I won't do anything about it.

Its now 3am here, I'd just rather go to sleep than to think about it.

Entry from my Journal: dated; March 23, 2009

Distansha Amigo

Hindi ko na halos matandaan kung paano kita nakilala. Ikaw, natatandaan mo pa ba? Dun ba tayo unang nagkakilala sa ilalim ng punong acacia? O nakabungguan kita habang ako ay padaskul-daskul na tumakbo sa gitna ng klase? Pakalat-kalat ka naman kase pare., di mo man lang inisip na baka may lampang pwedeng madapa sa nakaharang mong mga paa. Naalala mo pa ba kung paano ako nadapa at nangudngod sa mismong harapan mo? Oo, ako tandang-tanda ko pa. Tandang-tanda ko pa kung paano kita gustong sugurin ng suntukan ng mga panahon na yun. Habang namumula ako sa sobrang pagkapahiya ay namumula ka din sa sobrang kasiyahan dahil nabiktima ako ng iyong patibong. Pasensya na, engot talaga ko minsan. Makakabawi din ako mag-antay ka lang.

Lumipas ang mga taon, buwan at araw, ang mga awayan natin ay napalitan ng pagmamahalan. Oo, matapos nating maghiwalay ng humigit-kumulang dalawa hanggang tatlong taon. Muli tayong nagkita at binigyang-daan natin ang isang matamis na pagmamahalan - pagmamahalang hindi natin inaasahang agad din nating mapapabayaan at mapupunta sa kawalan.

Oo nga't naging malupit ang pagkakataon sa ating dalawa. Madaming mga pagbabago, madami tayong pansariling pangarap. Kinailangan nating mamili - Ngunit bakit nga ba kinailangan pa nating mamili? gayung maari naman nating abutin ang mga pangarap na yun ng magkasama?

At dun nga nagwakas ang lahat......

----Entry from my Journal dated: June 12, 2003

The day I fell inlove

Don't know what to do whenever you are near, Don't know what to say, My heart is flowing with tears, When you pass by I could fly, Every minute, every second of the day, I dream of you in the most SPECIAL way, You're beside me all the time all the time.....DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO by: Ric Segreto

It was months ago when I was blinded with such an unwanted attraction. It was the same time when my heart has seriously taken over me. I refused to eat and sleep. Even my "ME" time was ruined because of those unwanted feelings. Worst of it, my closest friend also likes him so I distanced myself from him. Days passed by and the feelings started to grew deeper. Maybe, that's the power of love - it flows down into your system, without you even knowing it. One day you'll just see yourself constantly thinking about that certain person. And before you know it - LOVE has contagiously taken over you.

Yeah, I kept it as a secret. Nobody knew about it. Not even my bestest friend, not even him. I just plunged into that feeling and then ran into our house and think about it - big time. I became mad about it. I became so attached to that feeling and I get so dependent and I started wanting his attention more. But it came to my senses that the feeling might be wrong. And it came to me that it was not meant to be. That it was just all me, and I was only probably dreaming all along.

I was so down by that time. Suddenly, after a month of believing that a love built amidst oceans and seas will work - I realized that I was just dreaming. I was so pathetic to believe that magic is really there, that once you summoned to the sky - to God, He will be mine. But, unfortunately, God did not replied any single word. He just sent me a blank message.

Fortunately, I managed to let it go and move on. It took me a lot of courage and loneliness. But in return, God gave me someone better. Someone who loves me whole-heartedly, someone who sticked by my side thru thick and thin. Someone who loved me for being ME.
--entry from my Journal dated June 12,2009.

Good things comes to those who wait.

Emo-ng

Isa siya sa mga hindi pansining babae sa kanilang klase. Bukod sa kanyang "maliit" na height, at sa kanyang "payat" na pangangatawan, mayroon din siyang buhok na hindi naging kagaya sa buhok ng mga nasa commercial ng shampoo o ng conditioner, bagama't lagi siyang tinatanong kung, "mahangin ba sa labas", o sinasabihan ng "mag-star margarine ka kase", nagpatuloy ang kanyang pakikipagsabayan sa agos ng buhay.

Maraming beses din nya naramdaman ang inggit at galit sa kanyang puso. Sa hindi kasi maipaliwanag na dahilan - hindi nya kamukha ang alinman sa kanyang mga kapatid! Hindi niya kahawig sinuman sa kanyang mga magulang! Bagay na nagpapasama sa kanyang loob.

Isang madilim na gabi, nakita niya sa isang madilim na eskinita ang isang matandang pulubi. Sa unang beses ay natakot sya dito - ngunit makaraan ang ilang segundo ay nilapitan din niya ito upang alukin ng dala-dala niyang masarap na tinapay galing sa panaderya ni Mang Ramon. Ngumiti at tinanggap ng matanda ang tinapay. Maya-maya pa ay nagliwanag ang paligid. Ang matandang kanina ay nanlilimahid ay biglang naging isang napakagandang babae (weet-weew ^^,) Suot ang isang bestidang kulay pula, nagwika siya sa babae. "Ako ay isang mensahera ng Team Kablogs, nais nilang ipaabot sa iyo ang munti nilang regalo.." Inabot sa kanya ng diwata ang kahon. Binuksan niya iyon at laking pagkamangha niya ng makita niya ang laman niyon!

Kalakip nito ang aking munting awitin dahil sobrang natats ako sa award na inalay ng Kablogs sa aken.

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Nais ko pong magpasalamat sa bumubuo ng KABLOGS team. Mula sa founder na si Kuya Kenji, Kay Cm da' Prexy, Kay Kuya George na VP, kay Jee, Azel, Lenz,Kuya Rio, Kuya Bomz, Doc RJ, Kuya Nebz, Marco, Deth, Poging (ilo)cano, Kosa, Marlon, at sa lahat ng mga bloggers na nakibahagi sa KABLOGS sa kanilang munting paraan. MARAMING SALAMAT PO! Para sa kumpletong listahan ng mga nagkamit ng munting regalo mula sa KABLOGS, maari nyo po itong makita ang kumpletong listahan sa sumusunod:

Link 1

Link 2

Let GO, and let GOD

Mabilis na lumipas ang mga oras ko dito sa UAE, hindi ko man lang namalayan na naka-isang taon na din pala ko. Madami na ring nangyari, madami na ring dumating at umalis, ang iba naman eh andyan pa din at patuloy na nakikigulo sa buhay buhay ko.

Let GO and Let GOD...

Lahat tayo ay nakaranas na ng matinding hagupit ng problema. Pinansyal, pag-aaral, trabaho, relasyon, pamilya, kung anu-ano pa. Nakakapagod makipaglaban sa pagsubok pero kailangan nating kayanin. Napakahirap magpakatatag sa mga oras na nanghihina ka na. Mahirap makipagsabayan sa agos ng buhay, lalu pa at alam mo na hindi ka nabibilang sa mga taong sinasabayan mo. Napakahirap maging bumangon pagkatapos mong matapilok.

Pero lahat ng yan ay kailangan nating kayanin. Lahat ng yan eh kailangan nating i-endure. Lahat ng yan ay kailangan nating iovercome. Hindi natin kailangang dumepende sa ibang tao. Oo nga't naniniwala ako sa kasabihang "No man is an island" totoo yan, ngunit sa pagsapit ng gabi, ikaw at ang sarili mo pa din ang iyong kasama. Sarili mo lang ang tanging takbuhan mo at si Papa God. Ngunit kung minsan, nakakaramdam na din tayo ng pagod, pagkaawa sa sarili at pakiramdan na wala nang nagmamahal sa atin.

Pag dumating tayo sa puntong ganyan ng buhay natin, mas ayus kung hihinto tayo at mag-iisip. Isipin natin kung saan tayo nagmula. Minsan, kailangan nating isiping:

Bumitaw, para muling kumapit Sa Kanya....

Nawawala ako

Mga kapwa blogero,

Nitong hapon ng August 11, 2009, ay nawala ako. Hindi ko po maalala ang daan pabalik sa bahay namin. Galing ako sa lugar na pinagtatrabahuan ko pero ng ibaba ako ng service ko sa kanto ng kinatitirikan ng aming mansyon, napagdesisyunan kong sabihin sa sarili kong nawawala ako. Nag-away po kami ni b1 kagabi sa kadahilanang ayaw nyang tumigil sa paghaharvest ng kanyang mga pananim sa farmtown. Nagalit po sya at tuluyan nang nakipaghiwalay saken. Sinabi nya po saken na "Crops will go to waste if i will not harvest this". Hindi ko po kinaya kaya ngayon po ay mababa ang presyon ng dugo ko ---pero nawawala pa din po ako. May nakita akong computer shop sa may kanto (pangalawang kanto mula sa binabaan ko ng service), at nag-online ako. Nagpasya akong gumawa ng post dito sa blog ko. Sa kadahilanang nawawala ako. Hindi ko po maalala ang pangalan ko dahil nga nawawala ako. Wag po kayong magalit saken, nagmahal lang ako at pinagpalit ni b1 sa farmtown. Hindi ko lang talaga kinaya. Kaya nagdesisyon akong sabihin sa sarili kong nawawala talaga ako. Kung makikita nyo po ako na pakalat-kalat sa kalsada, tawagan po ninyo ako sa numerong ito: 050.857.96.10. Salamat po.

At higit sa lahat, gusto kong sabihin kay B1 na mahal na mahal ko sya. Advance happy monthsary saten at sa farm mo. Ay mali, hiwalay na nga pala tayo dahil sa farm mo.

Bujoi..^^,






















Grabe, pinawisan ako ng malapot sa pag-iisip kung paano ko bibiguin at ililigaw ang sarili ko. Ewan ko ba. Sa hindi ko maipaliwanag na dahilan eh yan ang naisipan ko ipost. Pasintabi lang po sa pwedeng masagasaan. Joke joke lang po =). Pero totoong mantsari namin ni b1 bukas. At hindi pa po kame hiwalay. Dahil nakakapagod po magkwento na naghiwalay kami ngayon, tpos bukas eh magkakabalikan kami ulit. =)) Peace out.

English-ing the PanadoL way

Hindi naman sa nagmamagaling ako sa pagi-english. Kamote din naman ako sa salitang yan lalu pa at British ang makakausap ko sa tuwing uuwi ako sa bahay namin ngayon. Naloloka ko sa tuwing babanggitin niya ang salitang back bilang "beck" ewan ko kung nakakatawa ba talaga o mababaw lang yung kaligayahan ko. I will go beck to London in two weeks time...And will come beck here again next Dyenyuweri (January). Nangangasul ako kakatawa ng marinig ko yan galing sa lola ko nung isang araw. (Wag nyo kong isusumbong).

Pero walang hihigit sa kakayahan na meron ang mga Panadol. Ewan ko ba, pero nang magsabog ata ng KKK- katalinuhan,kabanguhan, at kababaang-loob - - majority ng gising eh ang lahi nila. Ayoko namang mangamoy racist or anything, pero sa isang taon na pagtigil ko sa mundong pinapalibutan ng mga Panadolz, yan lang ang napansin ko. Minsan na din akong napaaway sa may-ari ng kumpanyang pinaninilbihan ko dahil hindi kami nagkaunawaan sa email na pinagpasa-pasahan namin. Hindi kase ako nagamit ng common sense, at hindi ko binabasa ng matino ang mga email nya sa akin. Yun eh ayon sa kanya. Eh kaya lang. What to do yani?, Im just a f*%^ing employee here....kaya kahit na alam kong ang spelling ng INQUIRY eh nagsisimula sa I (na minsan ko nang kinorek), na pilit nilang pinapalitan ng ENQUIRY, sinikmura ko na din. Bakit ba, wala naman dito ang mga naging teacher ko sa English. Wala naman dito ang nanay ko na magagalit pag palpak ang spelling ko. Wala naman kami sa spelling bee para magpagalingan sa spelling. Ewan ko, di ko na tuloy alam kung ano ang tama at mali sa paligid ko.

Sa tagal ng paggawa ko ng mga business letter - ngayon lang ako nabobo ng sobra. Banatan ka ba naman ng closing remarks na Thanking you, wag na daw ang Sincerely yours at ang Best Regards, dahil nasa UAE kami. Naisip ko tuloy kung nadadagdagan ng ba ang paggamit ng -ing kapag umalis ka na sa teritoryo ng Pilipinas. Nagiging present tense lahat ng verb pag nandito na sa UAE. Kakatuwa naman kung ganun. Hehehe...

Magsusumbong na lang ako sa english teacher ko para pingutin sila at paluin ng bongga sa pwet nila. Sabay pa-skwat at lagay ng plakard sa leeg nila na may nakasulat na

"I will speak and practice good english-ing neks taym.."

AKO

Nagiging walang kwenta ang buhay ng tao kapag lahat ng pwede mong hilingin eh nasa sayo na. Nagiging isa na lang routine ang pang-araw araw na buhay mo. Gigising ka upang magpunta sa trabaho, matapos ang trabaho, uuwi ka at matutulog. Ganun lang kasimple.

Ako, ang nagpapatakbo ng buhay ko sa ngayon. Ako ang direktor, ako din ang artista sa maigsing kwento na hinanda ni Papa God para saken. Sa simula, pinlano kong gawin itong makabuluhan at maayos, sa simula, inisip kong makipaglaban at maging isang mabuting huwaran sa ibang tao. Sa simula, pinlano kong maging inspirasyon tungo sa pagbabago ng ibang tao. Sa simula, pinlano kong maging masaya at kuntento sa kung anuman ang maaari kong makamit sa hinaharap. Sa simula, lahat ng mga bagay na pinlano ko ay pinaniwalaan kong makakamit ko--kahit anupang kalokohan at impaktors ang humarang sa daan ko tungo sa tagumpay.

Ngayon, halos nakamit ko na ang lahat. Pero parang may kulang pa din. Sabi nga nila wag kong hanapin ang mga bagay na alam kong imposible kong makamit. Ako na din mismo ang nagsasabi na maging kuntento ako sa mga bagay na meron ako. Na maging masaya ako sa mga bagay na maaaring makapagpasaya sa akin.

Ngunit nagising ako isang araw, at naramdaman ko sa aking puso na may kulang pa pala. Naalala ko na sa pagbuhos ng mga blessings sa akin nitong mga nakaraang bwan, kasabay nito ang pananamlay ng aking pananampalataya kay Papa God. Kasabay nito ang paglayo ng aking loob sa aking pamilya. Kasabay nito ang unti-unting pagkasanay ko sa buhay na meron ako dito. Ang buhay na malaya at mag-isa. Ang buhay na walang inaalala kundi sarili ko lamang. Ang buhay na walang ibang importante --- kundi AKO lang, at wala ng iba pa.

Life and Love

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love
him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean
against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a
relationship and my feelings. My husband is my complete opposite; his
lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments
into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why? " he asked, shocked.

"I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world !" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of
disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even
express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question.

Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we
both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you
do it for me?"

He said: " I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further.....

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you
cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can
help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every
month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your
tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be
infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes
and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the
computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save
my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and
help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand
while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the
beautiful sand...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is
someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower
yet, and die ... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting...

That's LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of
excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies
in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms;
even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It
could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the
relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND
THAT'S LIFE

People often goes for romantic gestures, surprises
and sweet words whispered into their ears. We fall in love and feel
loved because of these so called romantic moments.

But the truth is romantic moments cannot show how much a person loves you. They merely create the feeling of being loved.

---Just a thought to fonder. ^^,